The Stitch-O-Meter


Oh, hello out there in Needlepoint Land.

I’ve always enjoyed the Honeymooners Chef of the Future episode, one of the true classic skits of early television — except for Norton’s line at the end about Trixie. Well, it was a different time, and all that, I suppose.

Anyway I was thinking, recently, boy, I wish someone would invent a needle “utensil,” one that would do more than just stitch.

For example, maybe it could automatically count stitches for me, like a pedometer. But wait, wouldn’t it be nice if it could ALSO give me a workout?

So then I found myself picturing an old-fashioned ad for something called the Stitch-O-Meter, a product made with Zeppelinonium, of course, the heaviest metal on earth.

And of course the copy would have to  read something like this:


At last!

A smart needle that counts your stitches


burns those pesky calories away

all in the comfort of your home.


Before racing to the patent office, I used the magic of The Google to see if someone had prethought this.

Zip zip! pay dirt.

There it was.

The original Stitch-O-Meter

The original Stitch-O-Meter

This ad appeared in the Southeast Missourian on Jan 15, 1953, for a product called the Zig-Zag sewing machine, which had a built-in, yes, “Stitch-O-Meter.”

It’s not exactly a stitching needle, but we’ll let that pass.  The thing is, can it core a apple?

Ha ha!

Erin McGrath and, 2012 – 2016.


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