Oh, hello out there in Needlepoint Land.
I’ve always enjoyed the Honeymooners Chef of the Future episode, one of the true classic skits of early television — except for Norton’s line at the end about Trixie. Well, it was a different time, and all that, I suppose.
Anyway I was thinking, recently, boy, I wish someone would invent a needle “utensil,” one that would do more than just stitch.
For example, maybe it could automatically count stitches for me, like a pedometer. But wait, wouldn’t it be nice if it could ALSO give me a workout?
So then I found myself picturing an old-fashioned ad for something called the Stitch-O-Meter, a product made with Zeppelinonium, of course, the heaviest metal on earth.
And of course the copy would have to read something like this:
Before racing to the patent office, I used the magic of The Google to see if someone had prethought this.
Zip zip! — pay dirt.
There it was.
This ad appeared in the Southeast Missourian on Jan 15, 1953, for a product called the Zig-Zag sewing machine, which had a built-in, yes, “Stitch-O-Meter.”
It’s not exactly a stitching needle, but we’ll let that pass. The thing is, can it core a apple?
Erin McGrath and Needlepointland.com, 2012 – 2016.