1. I will not obsessively check the number of visitors on my blog every chance I get.
2. I will not send nasty emails to WordPress bemoaning the lack of unique visitor statistics for my blog. It doesn’t help to know that, ummm, 2 people visit every day, but not know if they are always the same ones!
3. I will not send nasty emails to WordPress for not letting me put ads on my blog or doing any e-commerce. (At least those are supposed to be the rules…. which are ignored by those whom I shall not name!)
4. I will not allow WordPress to force me to take high blood pressure pills, for never putting me on the Featured Blog section. Even though I have worked my ass off for nearly a year doing this, only to watch other bloggers (with pricier cameras or more interesting travel pics!) get all the glory. I guess what I’m really saying here is no free rent in my head for anyone on any of this.
5. I shall not seethe with envy when attractive 20-something year old women (whose avatar pic is usually them in low-cut jeans and a tight t-shirt) get like 500 comments to content-free posts that go: “oh gawd, I got so wasted last night.” And as long as we’re on the topic, I shall not resent it that visitors to Needlepoint Land rarely comment. (To those that do, thank you, I really appreciate it, even the one-worders!)
6. I shall not despise Google or Bing for not respecting me. Never again will I allow myself to be consumed with jealous rage when other needlepoint blog sites are listed waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of mine (to see what I mean, type “needlepoint” in the Google search box, and select “blog” from the menu list above it), even when they haven’t posted anything new in like 5 years, and I’m immediately rotated out to search engine swamp hell (maybe cuz I don’t pay Google a dime for anything), after Needlepoint Land spends a few minutes or hours on page 1, as I’m wracking my fried brains for something new to say.
Particularly galling is finding, ahem, real blogs like this one buried under the sheer tonnage of sites that are not needlepoint blogs at all, or are primarily shill sites that push ebooks, classes, trunk shows, and other products.
Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with such activities, and we all have to eat, but it would be nice if there were some way for Google users, for instance, to get to personal blogs, without having to deal with all the commercials. I guess this particularly unreasonable peeve is why I haven’t watched Soapnet much since All My Children and One Life to Live were cancelled.
While we are on the subject of commercials, I find it helps to use Tor (or change My Location on Google to USA) to help clear the decks from the adsense weirdness and location-driven listings that I am usually NOT interested in, and which clog up the pipes for everyone. Tor and its associated search engine dumps all this stuff in the trash can where it belongs, if all I’m looking for is a needlepoint blog that has some interesting information about the craft, that comes from personal experience, as opposed to a commercial web site trying to sell me something. (The sad dearth of personal needlepoint web blogs is another subject entirely, but maybe lack of traffic due to what I’m ranting about here is partly to blame.)
So, for example, if I want geo listings (such as where is the nearest needlepoint store to some location), I should be able to opt-in for that, instead of being force-fed all sorts of stuff, when what I’m looking for information on the craft of needlepoint, not what Google thinks I should be looking for, based on what Google thinks is my IP, and based on my prior browsing patterns, which they of course track.
Speaking of which, I really take exception to the creepy way the Google (as David Letterman might say) likes to remember where I go (unless I remember to use Tor), and pops up grossly intrusive ads (unless I use Adblock Plus), for things I’ve looked at in the past, like some greedy, desperate, overeager, demented needlepoint store clerk who follows me into Publix and offers me a special price on some canvas I was looking at earlier, as I’m trying to find out if the Bryer’s on sale yet. None of their beeswax, is what I say. Tor and Adblock Plus treat this stuff like squashed love bugs on your windshield, as you’re driving past Orlando in May! As it should be.
7. I promise to never again go mega green when other needlepoint blogs have like 5 million visitors a week, because they can afford to pay for keyword placement on Google, and I’m sitting here with my needle up my canvas, reading up on wonky so-called “organic” SEO strategy (which I think of as the manure school of search engine ranking optimization), which 9 times out of 10 will call for using the word needlepoint in every other sentence, preferably every other word, and, most importantly, to beg, cajole or bribe other bloggers to link up.
Also, I will stop trying to figure out why Google is so coy about pay-to-play, when it comes to being listed “above the fold.” Why aren’t they upfront about this, like Bing? It’s as if The Googles are ashamed at how they make a living, or are trying to hustle us like we’re some born-yesterday Internet hicks. I would certainly much prefer it if needlepoint fans had some way of knowing how they were being, er, corralled, for money, every time they thought they were getting an honest-to-goodness, unskewed search result.
8. I shall always try to remember, whether it comes to this blog, or most things in life, for that matter, that no one owes me anything. Then again, that be a two-way street.
9. I shall resist the cold comforts of Schadenfreude. You have to know me to know what I mean by this, and I’m not telling.
10. And lastly, I shall always try to have fun on my blog. That is, after all, why most of us do needlepoint. Speaking of fun, hope you had some, reading this tart but tongue-in-cheek list of wicked, wicked resolutions, which may come across to some as some kind of ranty, Occupy Wall Street manifesto! It ain’t. As my late father used to say, it’s just bitchin’ and stichin’. 😉
© Erin McGrath and Needlepointland.com, 2012 – 2016.